


Sue's Corner

by Hobbit4Lyfe



Category: Glee, Kilroy Was Here - Styx (Album)
Genre: Bad Advice, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Gen, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 22:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20071597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hobbit4Lyfe/pseuds/Hobbit4Lyfe
Summary: Sue Sylvester decides that she should take her TV news spot to help people on the Internet, so she creates a Sue's Corner blog fueled by readers' reviews and questions.Please note that in this AO3 crosspost, questions left in the comments here will not be answered.





	1. Sue's Introduction

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sue's Corner](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/503344) by Hobbit4Lyfe. 

Hello, Western Ohio, the Internet, and the World. It's Sue Sylvester here.  
I'll bet you're wondering why I'm not currently coaching the Cheerios, my nationally ranked cheer squad, or on my regular TV spot, or even just being the amazing person I am, instead of taking the time to make a random post on the Internet.  
I'll tell you why. It's because I believe that I should be giving you, the people of the world, more insight and advice on a more regular basis. Why stop at the occasional local TV news segment when I can do regular blog posts? Just leave your questions in one of the reviews; I'll answer them in my posts. It's that simple. Even a caveman can do it.  
Just keep it rated PG-13, or my producers will pull the plug. This means keep the sex, drugs, alcohol, and profanity to a low to moderate level.  
If you want to see a change in the world, be a change in the world. Contribute to Sue's Corner… And that's how Sue C's it.


	2. Annoying Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from ComingAndGoingByBubble:  
What should happen if you made a new friend, and you're now realizing that this friend really gets on your nerves? What would you do?

Well, first of all, Bubble, if that's what you insist on calling yourself, I don't have time for friends. I'm too busy coaching the Cheerios.  
When there's someone who annoys the heck out of me, I don't try to mend the relationship I may have with said person, I bring that person down in a blaze of glory… Not glory for them, glory for me.  
Do whatever you can to make that person absolutely miserable. You don't need annoying friends. Got a conscience that won't let you do that? Ignore it.  
The world doesn't revolve around love. It revolves around fear… And that's how Sue C's it.


	3. Rivals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Question from tiarashine:  
What did you do about someone who is a rival, and everywhere you turn, they are just gunning for you?

Maybe if you use terms I could actually understand, I could give you a good response. I have no clue what you mean by "gunning for you."  
Though I do not have any idea what you're talking about, tiara, I'll give you the same advice I gave to ComingAndGoingByBubble: Destroy the enemy. At all costs.  
If you're going to ask for help, speak in plain English! Everyone should and must, no matter where they come from… And that's how Sue C's it.


	4. Do What You Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from BimBamHidy:  
What do you do if someone tries to make you stop doing something you love?

If you love doing something, just do it, and to heck with the rest of the world.  
But, then again, too much freedom to do what you want may and will lead to total anarchy. Such a state of affairs will hamper my attempts at achieving world domination.  
And I will achieve world domination. You can guarantee it.  
So, do what you love without fear. Do what you love only if it aids the cause: Sue Sylvester for Supreme Queen of Earth… And that's how Sue C's it.


	5. Frenemies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from Bella Bordeaux:  
What do you do when there is someone you've known for a long time but really dislike and want to cut all ties with them, but your friends are still friends with them, so you're constantly around that person you want to avoid, but you're afraid of hurting the feelings of your friends by saying so?

Well, first of all, Bella, don't use run-on sentences. They tend to be long and confusing.  
Enough of me being a grammar Nazi. Now to your question.  
Get rid of the dead weight. Avoid that person at all costs. Or make that person's life miserable.  
If your friends can't handle that, give them the ultimatum: Choose between you or the enemy. Who cares about anyone's feelings except your own?  
Don't put yourself through crap just for other people… And that's how Sue C's it.


	6. Speak Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from Hoe Kicker:  
I have to sit next to a boy in my class, and he's SUPER annoying, and he always talks to the girl in front of me, and then before you know it, they're both yapping about dumb stuff, like if they're going to a party. And I'm really quiet, and they don't listen to me. What should I do?

Once again, I MUST reiterate the idea that run-on sentences and other grammatical errors WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.  
I applaud you, Kicker, for your campaign against overly-sexual people, as referenced to in your username.  
My only advice to you is to make yourself be heard. Yell at those people to shut the heck up. So what if it isn't in your nature?  
Want to hear a voice for change? Be that voice… And that's how Sue C's it.


	7. Evil Teachers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from DramaticFanaticPrincess:  
I hate my math teacher. Actually, everyone in the school hates her. What can we do about it without facing the consequence of jail or juvenile detention?

First of all, team up with all of the people that hate her. If something goes wrong, they can't arrest that many people. Strength is in numbers.  
Second, get the group to help you make the teacher slowly go mad and end up institutionalized. Just be sure to cover your tracks.  
Don't put up with people you hate… And that's how Sue C's it.


	8. Lockers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from Charlie:  
My locker neighbors are always blocking my locker, and when I tell them to move, they say "Don't get an attitude." Please help me.

It's simple, really.  
Tell them, "I'll quit having an attitude when you quit blocking my locker." Then shove them out of the way.  
Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself… And that's how Sue C's it.


	9. Music on the Dance Floor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Question from Hoe Kicker:  
My friend Buttercup (she has not read this story, so I'm doing this for her) has a neighbor who plays bagpipes, and she wants him to stop. Can you help her?

Tell your friend to read my column and seek her own advice next time. This time, I'll let this slide.  
Instead of just asking her neighbor to stop, force him to stop. Or, at least, you can tune it out.  
Play music that's louder than his. She can do it herself by playing her own instruments, or she can blast her radio. I'd strongly recommend the Glee soundtracks, especially my rendition of Madonna's "Vogue."  
Spread the power of Sue through music… And that's how Sue C's it.


	10. Conflicting Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Question from tiarashine:  
There is a boy I really like at school, but I still have feelings for my ex-boyfriend, Beck. What should I do?

Date both of them. At the same time.  
So what if it's adultery? Just do it discreetly.  
If they find out about the affair, have them fight to the death for you. Do it in a public place, like the school gym, the cafeteria, the football field, or the nearest major sports arena. Have it broadcast on national television.  
And then send the loser to be part of my zombie servant army.  
Have people fight to the death in the Sue Games, not the Hunger Games, which are actually the same thing… And that's how Sue C's it.


	11. Sue Checks In

It seems that I haven't been getting as many questions as I'd like.  
Where have you people been going? Have you been getting advice from your friends? From school guidance counselors like that ginger, Alma? Have you been seeing a shrink?  
Whatever you're doing, stop it. Come visit me, Sue Sylvester.  
An apple a day doesn't keep the doctor away; Sue does… And that's how Sue C's it.


	12. Dog Eat Dog World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from JillyBean1314:  
There's this person I REALLY like, but they don't even talk to me. What do I do?

Really? Do you seriously need to get my professional help for this?  
That person will never know you exist unless you speak up! Go ahead and make your move. Don't wait for someone else to snap up the chance and steal what's rightfully yours. Especially since you saw said person first.  
It's a dog-eat-dog world out there… And that's how Sue C's it.


	13. Multitasking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Question from ComingAndGoingByBubble:  
Let's say that you are really stressed out about your schoolwork because you are in travel soccer and your school's musical. Both are taking up most of your life right now. What would you do?

I don't know. Go ask that Finn Hudson kid or his friend Puckerman. Or even that blond walking fish. I have no clue how they balance that stupid glee club with school and sports.  
But don't be afraid to multitask. That's how you get things done… And that's how Sue C's it.


	14. Out for Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from Klaine Fearella:  
What do you do when every single person in your school is out for your blood?

Just slowly pick them all off, one… by… one, until you're the last one standing.  
That's really all I can say for this.  
If people are out to get you, get them first… And that's how Sue C's it.


	15. Just Go For It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Question from EpicAdventures111:  
I really enjoy singing, and it relaxes me. However, I don't think I'm very good at it, but I can't be sure. I want to find out if I'm good, but I'm afraid to sing in front of someone else. How can I work up the courage?

I'd say screw the fear and try out for American Idol. Then a lot of people will judge you as they watch the three judges judge you, once the episode airs.  
If that doesn't sound like a good idea to you, wait until you're home alone, and then film yourself singing. Then put it on YouTube and get instant reviews. Isn't that how that Justine Beaver girl got famous?  
Just go for it… And that's how Sue C's it.


	16. Mean Girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from The Toymaker:  
I've managed to tick off one of the meanest people in school. How do I get her and her lackeys to leave me alone without murdering them?

I'd say make their lives miserable. Pissing them off may be the next best thing, seeing how you've already done that.  
If those won't work, I'd say slowly drive them insane without implicating yourself, in the fashion of advice I gave to DramaticFanaticPrincess.  
Again, don't put up with people you hate… And that's how Sue C's it.


	17. Read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from JustARandomGirl:  
There are these kids in my school who really annoy me. For lots of reasons. When I tell them to stop, they just roll their eyes and ignore me. I have tried almost everything; I even punched one of them in the face! That didn't stop them and landed me in detention. What should I do?

Have you been reading this advice column? I mean, really reading it?  
I've answered several questions like this before. Go and take advice I've already given.  
Seriously pay attention when you read… And that's how Sue C's it.


	18. Stay on Top

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Question from tiarashine:  
What's the best way, in your mind, to stay on top of the social ladder?

I feel like I've answered this one before… for you, even.  
Take out the competition by whatever means necessary.  
Stay on top of everything, no matter the costs… And that's how Sue C's it.


	19. It's a Bloody Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from Guest:  
But what if everyone at a school is out for real blood?

What are these kids? Vampires? Werewolves? Serial killers?  
I blame the parents. They teach no morals these days.  
I've got nothing on this one. Except for giving your classmates what they want by killing them all, and by making them be cannibals.  
Everyone is eatable. Remember that, society… And that's how Sue C's it.


	20. Relevance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from DivaMercedesJ:  
Why did Kurt have to leave the Cheerios? He was happy there, and he won you nationals! Then you dump him on his white-boy a$$? What is up with that?

First of all, Jackée, this is an advice blog. This has nothing to do with advice-giving.  
Second of all, didn't you and Porcelain quit on your own? Why don't you ask him what happened?  
If you want advice, ask a relevant question… And that's how Sue C's it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Editor's" note: I'm... not really that proud of this chapter, in hindsight.


	21. Laziness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Question from JillyBean1314:  
I want a sandwich, but I don't feel like getting up to get it. What shall I do?

Really? Is this a joke?  
Quit being a lazy bum and make yourself a dang sandwich!  
Laziness is for losers… And that's how Sue C's it.


	22. Get Inspired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from BlackUnicorn27:  
The thing is, I'm a writer (only FanFiction, but still), but the last few weeks, I just lost any inspiration I had. I always feel the need to write something, but I'm just not inspired. So, what do you think I should do to get my inspiration back?

First of all, what's a FanFiction? I've heard some students at this stupid school talking about it, but I still don't know what it is.  
Second of all, your advice: What do you usually do to get inspired? Go do that… All the time.  
Get inspired and write about Sue… And that's how Sue C's it.


	23. It's All About Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from Bloody doors off:  
Which is better, My Little Pony or Glee?

What? This isn't a question that seeks advice! This is just an opinion question! Aren't you paying attention?  
I guess I'll have to go with Glee, only because I'm on that show. But I'm the best part of that show.  
Go watch me on Fox at 9 PM Eastern Time on Thursday nights… And that's how Sue C's it.


	24. Heavy Metal Poisoning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from J. C.:  
I really like rock music, but my parents hate it. The same thing goes for my friends. Our parents are trying to get us to stop listening to and stop playing it all the time. There's this local… politician… who's trying to abolish rock music. What should my friends and I do?

You know what, J. C.? From now on, I think I shall divert all my music-related questions to my dear friend and former college roommate, Dr. Everett Righteous. Everett?

Thanks, Sue. Well, J. C., everything is black and white. You are wrong and we are right. Sorry. I've been meaning to use that in one of my speeches, but it just popped out early. Rock is immoral.  
Listen to your parents and quit playing rock and roll. Also, tell them to vote for me.  
Now back to you, Sue.

That was amazing. I may have to divorce myself, no, cheat on myself, with you, Everett.

No more rock… And that's how Sue C's it.

Ahem?

That's how SUE C's it.


	25. Go Be Social

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Question from JillyBean1314:  
What do you do if you really want to be social and fun, but something in you just doesn't let you for whatever reason?

Well, I see two solutions to this.  
One, go be social, no matter what that nagging part of you says.  
Two, be a recluse. Just don't be so reclusive that you turn into some kind of serial killer.  
I prefer being social, myself.  
Go out and have fun… And that's how Sue C's it.


	26. Boy Bands

I'm taking a time-out from answering questions to address an epidemic I've seen on the rise again this year: Boy bands, more specifically One Direction and The Wanted. I know I've said Dr. Righteous will be handling music issues from now on, but this is a special exception.  
Kids, you may not remember this since you may've been too young, or you may not've been born, but boy bands went out of style TEN YEARS AGO! They should not be back in style.  
I suspect that your little pretty-boys will have only a couple of hits, and then break up… just like the old boy bands did. Maybe, just maybe, one of them will have a successful solo career, but I doubt it.  
Just watch: One Direction and The Wanted will break up soon. And then, they'll get back together in a decade or so as one of those crappy supergroups like those Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block made. That will not be pretty at all. They won't be the supposedly cute teen idols they are now; they'll be creepy aging men.  
Mark my words: History will repeat itself with boy bands… And that's how Sue C's it.


	27. I Told You Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Question from Klaine Fearella:  
What is the most efficient way to murder someone?

Look into undetectable poisons. I can't tell you exactly what they are, for legal reasons. Look them up yourself.  
First, I'd try your local library – in the books. If you can't find any info in the books, check the internet. But make sure to use proper spelling, unlike that numbskull Casey Anthony. If you find any books, copy down the information; don't check the books out. If you have to use a library card number to access the computers, "borrow" someone else's card.  
Whatever you need to do in the end, cover your tracks.  
But you didn't hear anything from me… And that's how Sue C's it.


	28. Enough Singing Already

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question from Queenofchaos1104:  
I'm in my school's choir, and I want out! At the first of the year, I could have quit, but I didn't, because I would have to do band. Anyway, I still hate it, and I just found out I can do something better, but I don't know how to get out of choir. Please help me! The singing, I can't stand it anymore!

Does "something better" include working towards Sue Sylvester taking over the world?  
Either way, quit choir, no matter the consequences, if you really hate singing so much. That's what I'd do.  
Make the music stop if you hate it so much… And that's how Sue C's it.


End file.
